Story from What's In A Name (Pt 2)

Cecil Wantsital made his way toward the front of the line to place his bet at the last minute. "$5000 on Pissing Like A!" This was his last chance to turn around his fortune. He knew this was his lucky day.

There was once a time where he didn't have to rely on luck for huge wads of cash. Back when he was a regular on the popular soap "As the porno film," he made good money as one of the star actors. Even though he made money he was still a gambling man. He'd bet on absolutely anything. Even when Planet Bill was first discovered, he bet on what they'd name it. The odds were usually in his favor, but that time "Earth 2.0" ended up being the second choice of the astronomers. He took that as a lesson learned and shied away from risky bets to focus on his career. He went on to land big screen hits like "Deep Impact", "Fun with Dick and Jane" and "Grindhouse", to name a few. But instead of investing his money or even saving it, he spent nearly all of it on frivolous crap that he could never maintain without steady income. Case in point: his yacht, the "The SS I Make TONS More a Year than You Do." There was only one time he actually uttered those words. At the peak of his career, an indie film producer, Sam Smalltime, approached him to do a project that he was submitting to the Sunpants film festival; it didn't pay much and the role was a supporting one, so Cecil told him "Look buddy, I make TONS more a year than you do. Did you really think I was gonna take a crappy role in your crappy movie?" Ironic that he ended up selling the yacht to that producer after the film became an international blockbuster.

When Cecil caught a case of Acute Flesh Eating Buttrot after his last film "Hancock", he knew it was all over. He couldn't work, so he couldn't afford all the lavish lifestyle, let alone the medical expenses. And it was all because he wanted to go back home to his tiny hometown of Kill Me, Alabama and show off his fine clothes and fast women. Little did he know there was an AFEB outbreak right in the middle of town. He had to be bedridden for months in a quarantined facility, where the CDC was performing tests on patients to diagnose the disease and come up with a cure. They managed to keep him alive until they found a treatment that completely reversed the Buttrot effect. But by then all his riches were gone. He was in major debt. Classic MC Hammer case. No scripts came his way. There were new actors on the scene with bigger and better talent. People in his hometown looked down on him. He had alienated all his old friends and his new Hollywood friends ran out as soon as the money did.

Now was Cecil's last chance to turn his luck around. He had been around in the biz long enough to figure out how to act, write, AND direct or so he thought. He had an idea for a film that he just needed a small budget for and he nearly could do the whole thing by himself. He'd probably have to approach Mr. Smalltime for production help, but he was prepared to do that. He got a $5k loan from a local loan shark and made his way to the race tracks. After placing his bet, he sat down to watch the race anxious for the results. He could feel the change coming, and he knew there were greater things in store for him.

Authored by: Joshua Fargusson
Authored on: Sep 21, 2009 8:37 PM
Subject: Late names

A race horse--Pissing Like A--"In the lead is French Fried Bacon followed closely by Abscessed Tooth with Aw F*&K I was Reincarnated as a Racehorse in dead last. Wait, out of the shadows comes Pissing Like A barreling toward the lead...

A new planet--Planet Bil--astronomers have found what they believe to be the new ninth planet since the still controversial reclassifying of the planets reclassifying Pluto as a "dwarf planet". astronomers have affectionately named this new Earth like planet Bill. THe astronomers were inspired by the Quinton Tarinteno flick Kill Bill.

A new disease--Acute Flesh Eating Buttrot- The CDC has issued a level five aelert for a new pandemic of acute flesh eating buttrot. The desease is running rampant in the south.

A desert town--Kill Me--The name sums up most small desert town life...

A soap opera-- As the porno film--Follow Saphire, Hosey, and Ginger in this penertrating (ba dum bump) look into the overly dramatic world of adult entertainers.

A yacht--The SS I Make TONS More a Year than You Do (The print would have to be small or the aft of the ship disproportionatly large)